written & photographed by Chakriya PHOU
I have parents and I have heaven as my god mother.
She never appears but I know she is with me. She encourages me, she comforts me, she teaches me via dream.
When I am sad, she gives me dream of green grass field and beautiful flower.
When I am angry, she gives me dream of lotus.
When I am scared, she gives me dream of sword.
When I am helpless, she gives me dream of flying.
When I am sick, she gives me dream of food.
I never feel lonely as I have her beside.
One day, I am hopeless. Then I have dream of walking through water.
When I awake, I am nervous. She does not stay with me. Where is she going? Is she leaving me? What should I do?
I wish she comes back. I hope she will come back. But no. She disappears. I cry. How can I survive when I don't have her to give me dream.
I continue dreaming of walking in water. It becomes bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper day by day.
I always cry when I got up.
I feel hopeless. I want to get rid of myself, but I don't know how. I decide to read books to find way to take life. But in contrast, I find way to make myself happy, peaceful, brave, strong and well, from the books.
I am very glad. I don't need to dream anymore.
Many years pass, god mother comes back. She shows only her voice, in my dream, from the sky.
'My dear god daughter,' said god mother, 'I am very proud of you. A little girl that always hid within the dream now become grow up person. I am very please that you don't rely on me anymore. My dear, you are right that you make up your true world, not dream world. Move forwards. I won't give you dream anymore. Even though, I don't stay beside you, but be aware that I never leave you alone. I am you. You are me.'
Then I wake up. And I smile.