written & illustrated by Chakriya PHOU
I sat on my bed. Look at the wall.
Other women were gathered and had conversation. Only me, sitting alone.
Then a woman came to me.
'Where are you from?'
'Cambodia.' I said.
'Why are you in prison?'
All women turned face to me.
I ever had family. Even they adopted me, but I lived happily with them.
At that time, I was 19 years old. I just entered university, first year. My parents bought me motorbike. Last model.
I was young so I was enjoy with my friends, and I met a man. I loved him so I did wrong to custom. I really did love him. I gave all to him. He called me out of class, I did. He called me to sleep in hotel, I did. He called me to go with him at province, I did and I lied my parents. Even he told me to loan my motor, I did and I lied my parents that my motor was broken and I left it at garage. He told me that he would take my motor back to me in few days, but he disappeared and I could not contact him. Then I realized that I was cheated. I was so down. I cried and I went home. I did not know what to do besides of telling truth to my parents. I believed they would scold me and beat me and I was not angry if they did that to me. Well, they did, but moreover they chased me out of home. They did for real.
My life was in darkness. I was hopeless and nothing I could not think of beside of committing suicide.
I went to bridge. I stood and watched water below. I wished before I jumped that I would take revenge even I became ghost.
At that time, a woman appeared. She gave me a speech that she wanted to talk with me. I did not ever know her, but I did not know too why I agreed with her. She took me into a luxury car then she called her driver drove us around.
In the car, she asked me, 'Do you want to take revenge on man?'
It was strange she asked me like this and it was really awkward that I nodded to her question.
'Join me then you can avenge, not only that man but also other men.' She said.
I did hesitate to hear that. Then she continued, 'You will able to help other women, that are hurt by men, like I do.'
She looked at my eyes and gave me a document written in English, 'If you agree, sign the contract.'
I really did not remember what I had thought about at that time. I really did not know why I signed the contract without asking or reading. Perhaps it was because I was lost and she was like a light to me, that's why I agreed without thinking twice.
It happened fast that I could not remember well. I just remembered that I was taken by her suddenly from Cambodia, my homeland, to a very far island. From that moment, I had no family. For real.
When I stepped on secret island, then my life began new phase.
The lady was called Fairy Wolf. She was founder of secret killer group. She collected girls, especially girl who had no family, hopeless and had problem with men. She would train them to become a special killer and I was among them.
At the secret island, there was a house.. very very big.
I met other four girls. We were taken to be killer. We were from different countries. We got similar experience, hurt by man.
When we gathered, Fairy Wolf took us to a hall and did presentation to us. Then we knew what we would do and what life we would run after we arrived here.
All five of us were told to do surgery to change our face. We had new identity even our names. I was named Eva, girl from Vietnam named Rosie, girl from Thailand named Samantha, girl from Philippines named Amy and girl from Morocco named Karen.
We trained for three years on the island. There were skills we trained and most of them related to killing. Also, we trained our bodies. To be special killer of Fairy Wolf, we needed to have nice and hot figure. In conclusion, we trained hard and soft killing skill.
Moreover, we trained languages and each of us had to speak fluently English and other three languages besides of our mother tongue.
There was one important skill we needed to learn, sex.
During our training period, we had to sleep with many men. They were guards and also our training tutors.
According to Fairy Wolf, sex was great weapon to kill man easily and effectively. That's why we needed to be trained to be great sex killer.
Also, she gave us motto, 'love is enemy of killer'.
We were not allowed to love.
Three years passed, we ended our training. We were waiting for our mission. Avenge man.
The last day we stayed on island, Fairy Wolf called us into a room. It was a big square room and only five of us inside. The door was closed and we stayed in silently. The room was little strange. No chair or table. No window. Only wall and long mirrors standing on wall. Five of us walked around the room, and exchanged before the mirrors.
I felt that those mirrors were put here for reason. I felt it was not normal mirror like we saw.
For minutes, the door opened and we were called to meet with Fairy Wolf at dinning table.
She set farewell party with us. Then she told us that tomorrow we would leave to live with new boss. Each of us. She told us that our new boss was man.
'Why we work for man?' I raised question.
'They are co-share.' Fairy Wolf said.
'We come here to avenge man and now you tell us to work for man. It is not right.' Samantha said.
We all agreed with her.
'We women hate man. Man also hate man too. If we have same purpose, why can't we work together?' Fairy Wolf said. Five of us stayed quiet. Then Fairy Wolf continued, 'I see what's inside your mind. But I have to tell you. Just count on six of us, we cannot change the world now. We have to do step by step, slowly. We hate men but we cannot tell women around the world to hate men like us. Man is beast to us, but to other women, man is angel. So, we cannot hate all men on the world. What we can do is to make bad man disappear from this world. Only bad men.'
We were agreed with her silently after listen to her words. Yes, she was correct. Then we cheer up.
Tonight, we had early sleep that we never had during our three years training. Also, we did not have to train bed affair at that night.
As sun rose, we five took separated journey. I did not know four of them went and they did not know about mine too. We were on our own way.
Before we left, Fairy Wolf made tattoo.. tiny tattoo behind our ears. It was tattoo of black wolf. We got different tails. Koren black wolf had one tail, Samantha had two tails, Rosie had three tails, I had four tails and Amy had five tails. Fairy Wolf explained she found Karen first so her black wolf had one tail, Samantha was second girl she found so she had two tails... and Fairy Wolf showed her tattoo, same like ours, but her black wolf did not have tail. She said because she was founder.
Besides of telling meaning of tattoo, she told us to keep her words that we had to respect boss man we were going to stay with. They had equal right like her. They could order and punish us anytime.
We were told to stay with them for two years then we were free.
Helicopter brought me out of the secret island. I looked until it became smallest and disappeared from my eyes.
I arrived at new boss's house. It was located in Europe.
My new boss was a man in age of 55 years old. My new identity was his god-daughter. He was called Mr. Froze.
The new house was villa, full of bodyguards. It was clear that he was rich and had many enemies or he would not hire many bodyguards including hire me to be one of his protection people.
When I arrived at the villa, I was brought to meet my new boss or my god father in his office. I thought he would talk with me about what I should behave as his fake god daughter, but he turned to tell me, 'Take off your cloth'.
It was strange, but I had to obey. I removed my cloth even underwear. He smiled to me. After, we had sex on his desk.
After that, I started realize.
On secret island, there was another room around the mirror room - where five of us attended - and the mirrors were window. New bosses were in that room, watching us through mirror window and chose which one they wanted. I thought other four met similar situation like me, fake identity and be their sex partner.
It was no matter because we already prepared ourselves for such situation.
I was god daughter of Mr. Froze. I helped his office work and helped him on bed too.
It was annoyed that sometimes he called for me to do with him in car, at day time. Sometimes, he did in elevator. Although, I had to respect his order.
Not only serving him but also serving his business partner.
When he wanted his negotiation successfully, he usually offered me to sleep with them. And also, if he wanted to get rid of his competitor, he asked me to serve them and eliminated them.
It was what I worked.
One day, I was assigned to kill one competitor. He named Issac. He was not easy target. He had many bodyguards around him. It was difficult task, but I had to complete it. Without fail.
Issac loved to make love in pool.
I was already naked, sitting in the pool, watching Issac walking to me smiling.
His bodyguards, about twenty men, standing around the pool.
'Are they not going out?' I asked Issac.
'Yes, they are here.' Issac said.
It means they watched us do it in the pool? Not as I plan.
That man was really cautious. I just met first difficult task in my missions. I could not do anything. Just follow and would find chance after.
Issac and I proceeded. He looked very please and I had to pretend I liked; my eyes and my head kept seeking chance to fulfill my mission.
He did not give me even a small hole unless one thing happened.
Well, he had a lot of enemies. Not only my fake god father. They were after him. One of them happened reaching him while we were doing affair in the pool. Sound of fires outside the pool room. There were a lot of gun men and they shot many men of Issac died. Issac and I was escorted by his guards - both of us wore cover-up - out of the room. When we reached out of room, we were shot from various spots. It took us several minutes to get on car.
Still, gunmen followed our car. And when his men was shot and busy fighting with the gunmen car, I could take his life before the car fell of the street.
I got injury. I was trying to get out of the car and at that time polices arrived.
'How are you, Miss?'
A soft voice reached my ears. I turned face to and I saw it was a man.
'I help you.'
He assisted me out of the car.
I thought he was police, but he was not. He was reporter. He did report about crime and he followed Issac's matter.
I was brought to police station to give answer why I was with Issac. I had to tell police that Issac cheated me to talk business of my god father, but he raped me and I was seized to go with him during arm fighting.
After testify, I was told to leave.
When I got out, I saw the reporter was still there. He ran to me when he saw me.
'Are you OK?' He asked.
I shook my head.
'Let me take you home.'
Hearing this sentence, I raised my eyes and looked straight to his eyes. I really wanted to say yes, but at that time, my god father showed up. We were interrupted.
'How are you, sweetie?' Mr. Froze grabbed my shoulders and hugged me. 'God blesses. I am so worried about you. Where is that bastard?' He talked about Issac, 'I will sue him.' He yelled.
A police came and said, 'He is dead.'
'Dead?' Mr. Froze narrowed his eyes-brow, 'Good then. If he was alive, I would chop him. How can he do this to my daughter.'
He acted well. I had to play role with him too. I calmed him down. He kissed my forehead and embraced me. He said sorry to me many times and he showed tears in his eyes.
Very good acting. No one suspicious.
Then I paid goodbye to everyone including the reporter to my god father's car.
He was so care about me until reached home, he changed his attitude.
In his room, he ordered me to serve him on bed. He was so tough.
After we finished, he got into bathroom and I laid on bed thinking about that reporter. His soft hand, his sweet voice, his caring, his eyes, were in my head. I tried to take him out of, but I was not able to. I always thought about seeing him again.
Then few days later, I got my wish.
The reporter appeared before the villa. I came to see him then we had chat. I knew his name, Ken. We talked long and he asked me, 'Can you have dinner with me?'
I did not know answer yet. I just told him I would reply him later. I needed to say goodbye because I did not want Mr. Froze saw us. He gave me his phone and said I had to call him.
I thought for one night then I decided calling him that I agreed to have dinner with him.
I bet he was so happy. I was glad too.
It was first time I had feeling as woman since I became member of Black Fairy Wolf. I lived like alive corpse. Ken was person who gave me breath like human.
The night, after we had dinner, I confessed that I wanted it from him and we did it. It was not for pleasure, but from our bottom of my heart. He gave me a great time I never had. He made me forget my past. He made me feel I'm alive.
Because of him, I thought of having normal life. I did not want to revenge anymore. I wanted to live with him.
I went to see Mr. Froze and asked to end contract with him. He was so surprised to hear my suggestion. I supposed he asked me why, but he did not. He turned saying to me, 'I give you freedom if it is your wish, but...' he stopped for a moment then stated, 'you have to do one work for me.'
I agreed without hesitation.
He said one work, it was about mission that I would do for him next day, but tonight, at this moment, he wanted to do work with me too. Not anything besides of sex. I had no surprise for I realized it would going to happen. I served him twice at that night.
As morning came, I left with few men to work for him. It was to eliminate his enemy and pulled their stuff to be his. I did not realized what it was inside the containers, after I checked it by accident, it was illegal drug. At first, I felt I was bad for helping Mr. Froze to get those things, but then I told myself it was last and I would not do such work anymore. I focused on my present wish that I wanted to begin life with the man I loved.
I brought what he wanted to him. Then I left him to see Ken. I prepared myself already to fight that he would not let me go easily, but it was strange, he allowed me to leave his house peacefully.
It was really weird, but I did not want to think much. I went direct to Ken's house after. I felt happy. I dream that Ken would ask me for marry him and I would say yes then we would got married and living together. I was really excited to think about it.
When I arrived his house, my heart was still exciting. I knocked his door. Smiling. I imagined that he would smile when he saw me.
The door opened.
Ken appeared before me.
I smiled at him. He did not smile back. His face made my smile vanish from my mouth. He made my heart beating.
'What's matter?' I asked him.
Ken did not say anything. He left the door opening. He walked in. I closed the door and followed him in.
I sat next to him, on sofa.
He was silent. He did not answer my question. He walked to TV and inserted a disc.
My eyes opened and my jaw dropped.
On screen showed my affair with Mr. Froze. It was on the day I asked him to end contract. He tricked me. He recorded and sent to Ken.
'Ken, listen to me...' I stood up and said to Ken.
'I don't want to hear from you.' Ken waved his hand to me. 'I don't mind you were raped, but you lie me. You are not his daughter. You are his mistress and you did no tell me.'
He was so hurt. I could see from his eyes. I was so sorry that I made him hurt. I wanted to explain everything to him, but he did not give me chance.
'Go away. I don't want to see you anymore.' He turned his back and he went into his room.
I stood alone in the room before the screen. Seeing it, fire in my chest blew. I left for Mr. Froze house. I wanted to ask why he did this. I wanted him to answer me.
When I arrived, Fairy Wolf was there. She walked to me and said, 'Come with me.'
I walked with her to garden.
'I told you already not to love. Why you don't listen to me?' said Fairy Wolf.
'I'm sorry.' I said.
'Sorry cannot solve anything.'
'I asked him before I did. But he. He tricked me.'
'I cannot say because he is your boss. I told you already. He can do whatever he wants.'
'Even ruin my life?'
I spoke to Fairy Wolf angrily. She knew. She realized I was in fire. She said to me calmly, 'If you don't want to live in this life, finish your contract. Then you can have freedom. It is what we promise each other.'
Her words shut my mouth.
Fairy Wolf put hand on my shoulder and left.
I stood in garden for long time before I decided to go into house.
Mr. Froze was waiting for me. He smiled big as he knew he won.
I walked into his room. No need to tell, I removed myself naked before him when I reached in his room then I got up his bed. My head was full of Ken when I was sitting on Mr. Frozes' thighs. I missed Ken. I really missed him. But his image vanished from my eyes slowly. I could not see him again. No. Never in this life.
I returned to fake god daughter of Mr. Froze. Help him gain profit and destroy his enemy.
I ever met Ken once when I got out of restaurant - after having dinner with client with Mr. Froze - and our eyes met each other. Mr. Froze was side me. He saw Ken so he put his hand around my waist. This action made Ken leaving his eyes away. I could only walking with Mr. Froze into car. I did not know why I should see him. Though, my heartache remained. And that night, my first tear came in life of killer.
It was hard to accept the truth. It was hard to accept that kind of truth.
I tried hard to forget Ken for I knew we didn't have future. It was not easy to forget someone, but I tried very hard and bravely in order to delete him from my heart.
More remember more hurt.
I thought he also did not want to remember me because he was angry that I lied him and he would hate me after he knew I was Mr. Froze mistress. I thought he did want to erase me too.
It was best for two of us.
I ran my daily life. Go to serve Mr. Froze client. Go to eliminate Mr. Froze competitor.
One day, when I got off office, - at car park- there were assassins fire me. Bodyguards were shot to death and I tried to escape. They were many that it was not easy for me to run away.
I ran - alone - purposely back to building, but a man suddenly appeared. He was one of guards of Issac, I remembered. He came to revenge for his boss. I bet he already knew my identity that's why he came to me. He jumped to kick me and I escaped. He jumped again and showed punch to me. I escaped his punch. He gave punches several times and I was hit by his one fist and fell to the ground. I got up and fought with him. Immediately, there was a motor ridding by two men coming towards two of us. They stopped and fired at us. Bodyguards of Issac got fired - a lot - then fell to ground, dead. The fire was at me too. It was all of sudden that I could not lift myself off on time. Shooting was direct to me, and like a flash, Ken covered himself on me. No wonder. His body was fire whole.
He embraced me while his breath was already taken.
I yelled out loud.
The motor drove away. Leaving me hug Ken on to the ground. His body was full of blood. He did not open his eyes even I called him.
I speech less. My eyes cried. It was so hurt like my heart was pulled from my chest. It was really really hurt.
What could I do? Nothing.
The police was coming and I had to flee myself - leaving Ken on ground - to villa.
When I arrived at the villa, Fairy Wolf was there. She told me to go with her and Mr. Froze.
'We go back to island.' She said.
'What's going on?' I asked her.
'They gather fight back to us. Our fairy wolfs were killed. Only you and I remain.'
It means Karen, Samantha, Rosie and Amy die.
I was shock to hear that.
The assassins that came to kill me at the car park was not one. They did not care even bodyguard of Issac unless they got me.
There was no time to think. We three jumped into car and left to helicopter that waited for us. Even though, they were a lot.
Before we reached the helicopter place, we were armed by many gunmen. Our cars were shot to fall from street. I and Fairy Wolf took guns and shot back. Our men were shot to dead. We tried to fight back, but because we had less people, at the end three of us were caught at the end.
We were tied and taken to an old building.
Three of us were pushed to sit on chairs before two guys. One was similar to Issac and another one I was not familiar. Though, I knew they were close with people we killed and they came to revenge. Especially the one similar to Issac, should be his brother and for sure he would avenge his brother.
They had fierce face that they did not say anything to us, just ordered their men to put feet - of Mr. Froze - and hands into glass tank. Inside the tank, there were fishes.
Once feet and hands of Mr. Froze inside the tank, the fishes bite. Mr. Froze screamed out loud. Blood full the tanks.
The guys did not laugh. His face was hard. His eyes did not blink watching Mr. Froze.
While Mr. Froze was crying, Fairy Wolf was hanging up, her feet stood on shape nail board and her pants were removed. She was raped by several men.
Me. Issac brother walked towards me. He stabbed my thighs.
'You stabbed my brother. I stab you.'
Then he gave signal to his men.
Four men walked in. Each of them removed zipper while walking towards me.
Before they reached me, I released my tie and I dropped tiny gun into my hand. I shot them.
Issac brother and all his men - some died, some injured - tried to find safe place. I ran for safe place too. I shot and they shot. Bullet had no eyes. It fired everywhere and everyone. Mr. Froze and Fairy Wolf were shot dead.
I shot them.
At last, only I and Issac brother were remained.
No bullet. No gun. Fist fight.
He punched me. His fist was strong that I fell to ground, hurt heavily. I got hits from his fist. My face was bruise and swollen. He fell me to ground. Then he kicked his feet beating my stomach. He did not stop his beating. He beat and yelled, 'You killed my bother. Now, I kill you.'
I blooded from my mouth. It was strong hurt.
He beat me until I did not move then he kicked me rolling my body to one of his dead men bodies. He walked towards me. When he almost reached me, I clicked.. BANG then I added BANG BANG BANG.
Issac brother fell down to earth, with opened eyes.
I got up slowly. I walked to check if he was still alive or not.
I looked at direction of sound.
I put my hands above my head. And they came to handcuff me.
Question cut me from dream.
'Do you have family?' She continued asking me.
I shook my head.
'What's about husband?'
'Or boyfriend?' Another woman shouted.
Hearing this question, I dropped my eyes down.
'Well, what's most regret in your life?' She asked.
I replied, 'The most regret in my life is I should not revenge. Revenge made me choosing wrong. If that time, I did not want to revenge, I would not become killer, then I would not lose my loved-one, I would not stay in jail. I lose everything because of word REVENGE.'