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Saturday, May 23, 2020

Change


written & photographed by Chakriya PHOU

Clock bell echoed room.
I opened my eyes and got up from bed to bathroom. Lazy action.
Then I dressed up and came out to have breakfast.
My father was at table. 
He looked not happy.
He had angry face.
I did not pay attention much to him. I sat down and ate my plate.
Perhaps he thought I did not get his face expression, so he showed by mouth.
'Not good. How could you assign your clock to ring when you don't want to get up? You clock rang out loud whole house, bother everyone and you stayed happily in bed.'
Well, the clock did really ring for more than ten minutes and I did not click it off. Just listened to it until my sleeping was defeated then I got up. It was my habit. Daily habit.
And also my habit, I did not like anyone in family to instruct or blame me.
I was not happy that my father ruined my morning with such thing.
Fire burned in my mind and I got up from seat.
'Why you always say not good thing in the early morning? You're always like that. Like to say what you don't like, but you never care what I like.'
Then I left the house. Food remained in my plate, but I did not care.
I went to office.
I worked.
Everyday was the same. At office was busy. A lot of works, a lot of troubles.
Same.. today my boss called me to his room and blamed me.
'Why you cannot make once correct? Why you usually make one or two mistakes to get one right done? I don't understand you. That's why you are not promoted.'
Well, it happened like this everyday.
My boss wanted my works to be perfect and got it correct once done. It was impossible. Especially when he just brief to me his speech and he wanted to me to complete work in his mind. How could I? But because he was my boss, even thought he was correct all time and I could not do anything besides of standing face down and kept silent.
Whole day I got blame from my boss. And I wanted to clarify again, everyday is the same.
When I got home in the evening, I was tired. Both body and mind.
As I opened the door and stepped in, I faced with my mother. She looked at me. Anger.
'Why don't you organize your bed? Why you leave everything to me to do? It's your room, it's your bed, why you don't make it. Also your cloth. Jut put it in basket.. but you throw it on floor. I need to walk around your room to collect your used dress. I'm so tired. I have only two hands. Just want you to help little.. but you don't. Why?'
It was stressful to get hit from office then again in home.
Fire really burned inside my mind.
I looked at my mother's face and I wanted to shout at her.. but suddenly, images at office appeared before me. Then something came to my conscious.
Why I never argue with boss? He is not my parents. He does not raise me. He does not take care of me. He usually blames me whenever he wants and even sometimes it is not my fault. He likes to show anger on me when he get stress from his own problem. But my parents.. they raise me, they take care of me, and they blame me of what I really do wrong to them.. why I always say back to them?
At that moment, I did not oppose my mother. I let her blame me from her heart. Then she stopped and cooked dinner for me.
That moment changed me for whole life.
I did not argue with my parents when they blamed or instructed me. I listened quietly.
Opposite, when my boss blamed me, for what was not my fault, I said to him - explain him in polite way - or I expressed face to tell him that he should not use me as tool to release his anger. 
And yes, everything is changed.
Bad or good depends on your own situation.

Note : The photography is not related to the story. I just put it because I don't have match-image with the story.

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