I make gardening in balcony.
I buy pot, I buy soil. I have planted few of trees.
In the morning, I expect young green plants from my pots. Not only one, but many. I don't recognize them. I take them from the pot and have a check.
I notice all the green young are coming from yellow seeds; the seeds are with soil that I buy from store.
I suspect these are grasses.
To verify, I search the internet, and yes, I am correct - they are grass.
Other would take these grasses away, but I won't. I move it to bottle of drinking water. I want them to be like other plants that I am planting - all of them have their own spaces.
After, I think.
I work hard and take care the plants that I have grown, such as edible amaranth, sweetsop, lemongrass etc. Though they are growing, but they are slow and some of them go away. I don't plant grass, but it grows and it grows well.
It is like I have worked hard for 13 years (2008-2021) in creative writing. My wish since I was young is to be novelist, but I don't get success.
I have lost many during my way to be novelist. I lose time, I lose health, I lose money. I was cheated my saved money, I was cheated to be tool to earn money. Furthermore, after they cheated me, they laughed at me and called me stupid.
What I've got from chasing the dream is knowledge - I can write, not only fiction, but non-fiction, also news article.
One day, I was told by an elder. He used Feng Shui method to help me. He advised me to work through internet. I followed his telling. I stop writing story for paper printing, I change to be online author. I publish my fiction on fiction platforms. Yes, my fiction got views, but no one follows me and no one gives comment. And I cannot make money from it as well. I'm usually conned through online fiction career. Fortunately, I can escape - I could sense their lie base on what I had experienced from the past.
I am feeling not well with my fate. I feel down; even though, I try to encourage and motivate myself to continue writing.
Because I want to have my own website to post my fictions, that's why I create blogspot. I want to get monetize the blog, then I will save money to build my own fiction website. I want to accomplish my dream to be famous novelist like Steven King or J.K. Rowling. However, my dream is still far far away.
What I don't expect is that I can get earning from blogspot. Honestly, I never imagine I get money from doing blogging. But, it really gives me.
And today, when I see the grasses growing in my plants' pots, I remind about what I've been through.
My trees are like my dream to be novelist - it is still a distance to me. And I don't know that I can reach it as same as I don't know that I can make my trees grow or not.
Blogging is like the grass. It comes without my expect.
That's why I don't throw it away. I keep the grass, and I treasure it like I give important to other plants. Even though it is tiny, and it has no value in market, but for me, it is precious. In my own opinion, all green plants are costly.
It's like I don't give up my dream as novelist, and I don't abandon career as blogger. I give significance to both of them. Because they are writing, I love writing - like I love tree, and plants and grass are trees.